A client wrote to iGotOffer:
You cheated me! You promised me money and you didn’t keep your promise!
Here comes our answer and here the epistolary novel begins:
Dear John Smith.
You contacted our service on October 3, 2015. After we inspected your device and you agreed upon the price and the way of payment, we issued the check and sent it to you on October 9 (we reminded you that this year October 9 was a Saturday, so the US Postal Service (USPS) would take longer to deliver your check). On October 14, you emailed us asking about the check. Even if the delay was due to USPS, we proposed another way of payment (PayPal, Chase QuickPay, as we did before we used the check).
On October 15, at 10.27, you asked us to send the money via Chase QuickPay. We transferred you the money immediately, at 10.42, that’s 15 minutes after you had asked us to deliver the payment! Finally, USPS delivered the check on October 16, but we had cancelled it. We kindly remind you that we can’t be held responsible for USPS delays, but you chose USPS, knowing that it would take longer. Besides we have never charged you for our additional expenses, such as cancelling the check and paying other fees, even when you were responsible for all this mess. You prefer calling this “inefficient customer service”? But in fact, you received the amount due for your sold device 15 minutes after you had asked to be paid via Chase QuickPay, not paying a cent for all the additional expenses! If this is an inefficient service, I wonder what should we do to pay it faster still. If you can suggest a couple of ways, we’d be glad to hear from you.
You still wrote to us accusing us of cheating you? Would you be so kind as to explain when and how did we cheat?
Sincerely yours, iGotOffer Admin.
I didn’t mean you cheated. I was angry, my wife left me, that’s why. Sorry.
Nice example of an epistolary novel. Who said the genre was long gone?
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Illustration: Megan Jorgensen