Epistolary Novel

We had a client write to iGotOffer once saying the following:

“You cheated me! You promised me money and you didn’t keep your promise!”

This was our answer, and where the epistolary novel begins:

Dear John Smith,

You contacted our service on October 3, 2015. After we inspected your device, and you agreed upon the price and payment preference, we issued you a check, and sent it out to you on October 9.We informed you that this happened to be a Saturday, so USPS would take a little longer to deliver your check. On October 14, you emailed us asking about the check. Even if the delay was due to USPS, we proposed another way of payment, such as PayPal or Chase QuickPay, as we had offered before we issued the check to you.

On October 15, at 10:27, you asked us to send the money via Chase QuickPay. We transferred the money to you immediately, at 10:42. That’s 15 minutes after you had asked us to deliver the payment! Finally, USPS delivered the check on October 16, but we had cancelled it. We kindly reminded you that we can’t be held responsible for USPS delays, but you chose USPS, knowing that it would take longer. We never charged you for our additional expenses, such as cancelling the check and paying other fees, even when you were responsible for this mess. You prefer to call this “inefficient customer service”? However, you received the amount due for your sold device 15 minutes after you had asked to be paid via Chase QuickPay, not paying a cent for all the additional expenses! If this is an inefficient service, I wonder what we should do to pay it faster in the future. If you can suggest a couple of ways, we’d be glad to hear from you.

You still wrote to us accusing us of cheating you. Would you be so kind as to explain when and how we did this?

Sincerely yours, iGotOffer Admin.

His answer:

I didn’t mean you cheated. I was angry, my wife left me, that’s why. Sorry.

Nice example of an epistolary novel. Who said the genre was long gone?